Dealing with Difficult People
by
Dennis Gersten, M.D.
Trapped
Of course, there is the possibility that you feel completely trapped by
your very own difficult person. You're in a job where you're not allowed to
express how you feel in any way and if you do, you'll be fired. And you've
been looking for a new job but can't find one. You're just trapped.
You'll still benefit greatly by working all the steps I've described. You
might need to do two more things: 1) Picture the cage that you're trapped in.
Feel the walls or bars and stay with the feeling you experience in that cage.
When you're ready, find a way out of the cage. You'll be one step closer to
getting out of the inner prison that the difficult person put you in. 2) Make
sure you are finding ways to ventilate your anger. If you can't do it at work,
scream in your car or go home and scream into a pillow. When you feel
trapped, the anger that builds up can be deadly so be aware of it and let it go in
an appropriate way.
What's the point of all this? Why can't you just smack them on the
nose and be done with it? The point is that we can use adversity to learn
more about ourselves. That doesn't mean we have to tolerate being abused.
In fact, the challenge we face may mean that we have to get tough, set firm
limits and not allow ourselves to be walked on. But we can use these
situations as a mirror, a reflection of ourselves. When we un-mask them, we
un-mask ourselves. When we stop judging them, we stop judging ourselves
. . . and, in the process, we become more open, loving, happy and whole.
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